Reaching Out
by 9thForever
Summary: 7 years ago, just after Julie's stabbing. Oneshot.


Some nightmares never cease. Images, words, everything playing on repeat. The "what if's". What if the knife had been a couple millimeters to the left, would she be dead? Death would be better than living in fear.

After the stabbing, Nikki had increased her presence significantly more around her girlfriend than before. Always opting for shorter shifts at work. It was almost smothering, even though it was for her own protection. Even while on the clock, Nikki never seemed to leave Julie's side.

Once Julie was cleared for work, Nikki had been making her rounds patrolling the hospital to keep tabs on her. They'd yet to make an arrest in the local stabbings, Nikki never believed she would be able to fully relax until the bastard was caught.

Finally Julie had enough, and asked for some space, she was going crazy. Nikki hadn't let up on her protection for five months after the stabbings. Although reluctant, she gave in. Love does many things, some more stupid than others, and if Julie needed some time away for the sake of her sanity..

Two months apart, and Julie hadn't called her once. Not a single interaction commenced between the two, and it was ripping Nikki's heart out of her chest.

2am, and Nikki was called to a robbery in progress. Two civilian victims, injured, and one dead body, the suspect. Her partner was interviewing the only person still at the scene, taking his statement. Nikki was instructed to go to the emergency centre and gather updates on the other civilian.

A part of having to go made her chest cringe with different sorts of pain. What if Julie was on shift? Would she even acknowledge her? They'd dated for three years, it's not like her to give Nikki a cold shoulder. Even when they fought they would still be nice to each other.

Was Julie doing alright? Had she sorted out her shit?

Nervous was an understatement, but Nikki had a job to do, and sadly that came first. As she checked the status, the patient was still in surgery, with two bullets lodged in his arm. Since she would have to wait, Nikki headed towards the hospital break room in search of coffee. A cliche, yes, but she was tired.

"Hey Nikki, we haven't seen you around here in a while. Is everything alright, or are you just looking for Julie?" A voice in the room caught Nikki's attention, looking over towards it, she half smiled.

"Rowen. How has it been? Sadly, just official police work today. Waiting on the gunshot victim to come out of surgery."

"Bummer. Yeah, not too bad. Tonight's actually been pretty interesting, compared to just making the typical runs."

"Do you mind if I..?" Nikki gestured towards the coffee pot, already about to pour.

"Oh, help yourself."

Nikki prepped the coffee, keeping up the small talk with the nurse on break. They weren't exactly friends, but they knew each other. When Rowens break ended, they both left the room, with Nikki following her to get an update.

Almost cleared, they were cleaning up the wound and he would be released into a room shortly. Rowen said she would come and get her as soon as he was out. Nikki had chosen to wait in the hallway of the emergency centre. Closing her eyes as she awaited news, her mind slowly wandered to Julie.

5am came around, and her eyes opened to the sound of people talking over the radio. They'd finished at the crime scene. Standing, Nikki walked over to the desk, expecting Rowen or one of the other nurses, only to find Julie leaning on the desk reading some papers.

"Julie."

"What are you doing here, Nikki?"

"Tommy sent me to get a statement from a gunshot victim that was sent here."

"Right." Julie turned towards the computer, typing for a short minute before she gave her attention back to Nikki. "He's in room 27a, and should be awake."

"Thank you.."

Julie nodded, giving her attention back to the paper she had been reading beforehand. It hurt, how Julie seemed to be avoiding her entirely. Nikki hadn't moved away yet, still standing in front of the desk.

"What is it?" Julie asked, looking up uncomfortably and confused.

"Uhh.. How have you been? It's been a while since I've seen you."

"Recovering's been.. Well.. Some improvement is better than none."

"Yeah." Nikki waited a moment.

Just seeing her, knowing that she was alive brought relief.

"Will you still be here when I'm finished with him?" Julie's face said that she was thinking of what she was going to be doing next. As she looked at the clock, she slowly nodded.

"Yeah. I have a couple hours left, and it's fairly empty at the moment."

"Alright. Nikki nodded before smiling faintly and walking away towards 27a.

The man, Adam, was coherent, but also inconsistent. Shock, , a night spent awake, surgery, medicine. He was slowly zoning out, so Nikki made it quick. Closing the files, she walked back to the desk where she'd last seen Julie.

"That was fast." Julie noted, smiling weakly.

"Yeah. Pretty routine, actually, but there was another witness and cameras."

"That's good." Nikki shrugged, sensing Julie wasn't exactly interested.

"Jules?" It had been so long since Julie had heard that name, especially from those lips.

"Yeah?" The word barely audible.

"Has it been long enough?"

"Nikki, I don't think that-"

"I know you're going through some difficult shit," Nikki hushed her voice so only Julie could hear her. "But that doesn't mean I'm not here for you. I want to be here, with you, helping you in anyway I can."

"Thank you." Julie gave her an apologetic look. "I know."

"Then let me, please? I love you, Julie."

"After work I'll call you, if that's okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be off in a few hours. If you want I could come over so we can talk? I don't want to sound desperate, but I am. I miss you. Not a day goes by that I haven't stopped thinking about you."

"We'll talk later, okay?" Julie glanced over her shoulder when she heard steps heading towards where they were.

"Thank you."

"Nikki!" Julie called out once Nikki had grabbed her reports and headed towards the exit. Turning, she walked back.

"I have missed you also."

Nikki's smile could've melted everything in the room away. For the first time in far too long did she finally feel happiness. Julie kept hers shy, when she was actually quite relieved that they would talk later. She'd spent many nights crying alone, regretting her decision to ask Nikki for a break. She needed it though, and although Julie wouldn't admit it, the break had done her well.

Clocking out, Julie drove home. The weight of the world felt like it was resting atop her eyelids, waiting for them to go crashing down. Each blink was tiring, and she couldn't wait to get home any sooner. The second she did, she sunk into bed, unconscious possibly before her head hit the pillow.

Nightmares of that night returned, haunting her dreams like they did every night. This time she awoke to a searing pain in her stomach over the scar. Crying, trembling, Julie tried sitting up only to not be able to move. Dreams shouldn't feel that real. Whenever she was awake she could cope with the stabbing, ignoring the memories, but while she slept they always crept back into her mind. Reaching across the bed she grabbed her phone and dialed for Nikki, praying she would be able to distract her long enough. Julie was weak, too weak to face the demons she was fighting, and instead opted for running away from them

"Nikki?" Quiet, shaky, and full of breathing.

"Jules? Is everything alright?" Nikki was woken to the sound of her phone, and instinctively opened it before opening her eyes.

"I just.. I couldn't sleep."

"Work stress, or..?" Nikki knew damn well it wasn't work related. Even when they were dating, the stress of Julie's demanding job never seemed to phase her at home. The uneven breathing worried Nikki, what if she's sunken back into the hole she was in right after the stabbing?

"Babe?" Rolling out of bed, Nikki grabbed her jeans off the floor, pulling them up, and looking for her jacket and keys.

"Did you have it again, the dream?" After a few minutes of unnerving silence, Julie finally brought herself to answer.

"Yes..."

"I'll be there as fast as I can." Nikki hadn't ended the call, opting to stay on the line incase Julie had more to say, or needed to hear her.

Crumbling in on herself, Julie began feeling worse. Her breathing was rapid, chest clinching in pain. Tears were burning her eyes. Nikki was speaking to her in a soothing voice, trying her best to do what she could from where she was, but the words weren't registering any coherence. Years of training kicked in and she was counting her breathing.

In two, out two. In two, out two.

Before barely having the car in park, Nikki had sprinted out and towards the building, bounding up the stairs quickly. Without any hesitation she found Julie's door and knocked, trying the handle. It twisted easily, but as she pushed the door open it was caught by the chain. Nikki reached in with her arm and unlatched it, letting herself in. Calling out, Nikki made her way further into the apartment, heading towards the bedroom. As suspected, Julie was on the bed, face against a pillow.

"Oh, Julie.." Nikki climbed onto the bed, making her way closer to the woman in pain, hands going to her back soothingly. She was incoherently mumbling through heavy breaths. Holding her closely, if it was something Nikki was doing or not, it seemed to be working. Julie was slowly calming down, the shaking and the tears stopped.

Julie had turned in Nikki's arms, hiding her face against Nikki's chest.

"That bastard is never going to get you again. Not with me here."

"It felt so real. I could feel the knife going into me." Guiding her hand from Julie's back, down her side, she paused at her hip when Julie's hand stopped hers.

"Trust me." Nikki whispered, her hand slipping underneath the shirt and lifting it gently. Skin to skin, the hand wasn't as cold as Julie had expected. Nikki was gentle, slowly guiding her fingers across the sensitive area, over the scar that haunted Julie's stomach. She circled it slowly with the tips of her fingers before resting her palm over the skin.

"You're safe." The words barely trickled past Nikki's lips as she spoke. Receiving a nod, Julie covered the hand on her stomach with her own.

For the first time since the accident Julie slept soundly, no nightmares invading her dreams, having fallen asleep from exhaustion. Nikki had held her the entire time, inevitably falling asleep entangled in the bed.


End file.
